The Colostomy Bag: Twin Crystals

Desecrating the name of the other "Crystal" bands in the indie repertoire (ie Crystal Castles, the Crystal Method, Crystal Antlers, Crystal Stilts), Twin Crystals was the opening band for Girl Talk and must have been Greg Gillis' idea of a practical joke.  The lead singer was obviously hammered and kept yelling incoherent things at the audience.  At one point he screamed "Princess is murder!" and I think he was trying to be hardcore like Liars but actually had no musical talent.  The keyboardist could play two chords and the singer played one chord on the guitar and had no vocal talent of any kind.  Halfway through he realized his guitarist wasn't even there, and asked, "Hey, where did Doug go?"  My friends and I spent the whole time laughing at this poor excuse for a band and wondered how it was physically possible that they had gotten this gig.  The most believable theory that I conjured up was that someone in Twin Crystals must have been Greg Gillis' low-life friend that he felt sorry for so he gave him a chance to showcase his musical "abilities."  Despite this horrific opening band, Girl Talk, I still love you.